The lightless midget.

I don’t recall if I wrote about it, but in my last apartment we had a few minor electrical issues. Starting off small with shorting of our circuit and having to switch the power back on a few times a week, to a few times a night quickly escalated to a small electrical fire in Marcy’s room, and then to the electrocution of me as our dude shemesh (water heater) blew and exploded in my face and proceeded to melt off the wall. .. Classic Israel. Our new place started off not too different with short circuiting from our first days there. We called our landlord and insisted they come do something, so here begins another Israeli adventure. Ricka, our new landlady informs me that she will let me know when the electrician can come. The day flies by, no call. At about 4:30 in the afternoon, I receive a call, “I hope you are home, my husband is on his way.” Well, lucky for her, I was home… not quite in the way I would like my landlord’s husband to show up on me, but home none-the-less. I scramble to get things OK for him, and within minutes, hes over. He comes in, plays with the switches, and proceeds to tell me that we need an electrician. Thanks guy, I didn’t try switching the circuit back on myself, I’m glad I waited all day for YOU to come tell me I am not an idiot, and we needed additional help. He informs me that he will call an electrician and he will be over shortly. After about 30 minutes (the sun is now down, its kind of cold, and definitely dark) I receive a call from the electrician. He obviously doesn’t know a word of English, and asks me to explain what happened (as if I could in English, let alone knowing words in Hebrew for circuit breakers, switches, wires, and electrical outlets, etc.) The guy finally shows up, there’s a knock at the door. I go to the door, and look out the gate (very movie-esque) look out, and don’t see anyone. I open the door, and there he is; our electrician, a midget!! He walks into our apartment, pitch black, and takes a chair, climbs up, and is still a solid foot or two away from our electrical box. He has no ladder, and no flashlight. Its night and he’s a midget electrician. Only in Israel. After having me walk from door to door in our area asking my neighbors for a ladder and having no luck, the ‘lil guy paces around until he finally calls someone else, and tells me someone else will be there within an hour and a half. Cool. Luckily Goldberg was over and babysat me while all these creepy men were in and out of the apartment at night, I ran downstairs to the shuk and picked up some fresh coals and tobacco and candles to keep us occupied in the dark. The next guy shows up and is taller. He still has no ladder or light. I don’t know about anyone else, but I think those might be two basic things every electrician should have, especially at night. If I am calling because I have no power… and its night… you might want a light of some kind. So this taller guy climbs up on the chair- able to reach the box.. And whips out his cellphone for light as he searches through wires and bags of things.. Efficient. He replaces a circuit and peaces. Within ten minutes, the power is blown again. Apparently, we are really spoiled at home. Imagine your landlord in the states telling you its your fault that your power keeps blowing, obviously you can't have the heat and the laundry going simultaneously.. idiot. So, we are back at stage one. Yesterday another guy came over (with a ladder! –things are starting to shape up) and he said he would split our circuit into two to decrease the power on our one circuit. He comes into the apartment, drills all kinds of crazy holes, wires all over, plaster still covers our floors in all the rooms, and he peaces out. His ladder is still there, there is plaster all over, and a huge hole in my beautiful wall. Israelis are nuts. I assume he’ll be back soon for his ladder.